That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
