You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
