A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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