He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
