this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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