I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
