fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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