Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
