it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
