You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
