Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
