Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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