I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
