What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
