24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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