final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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