fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
