if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
