You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
this will be a night to untag.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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