If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
