so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
