Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
