Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
