Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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