he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
