yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
