even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
