He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
