i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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