You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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