Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
