he told me I talked like a deaf person
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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