either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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