I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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