So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
