probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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