I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
