Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
