Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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