Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
