these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize