I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
