i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
