***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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