YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
