I got chris browned last night
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
