Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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