GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
