so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
