I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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