shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
