wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
