My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
