I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
