Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
