There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
