I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
