I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
