my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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