i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
