3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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