I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
