I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
