Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
