so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
