the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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