I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
