at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
