its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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