oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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