I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
