he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He keeps bees of course he's weird
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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