So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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