Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
