listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
